The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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