We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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