Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have aggressive nipples.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
