dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
