i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
