True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
