Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
