I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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