is your mom at the bar?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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