she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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