I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
