I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
