Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
