Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
