I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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