cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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