Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
