mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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