somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
