My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
