Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
