my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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