Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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