is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
vagina is talking i cant
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
