she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Floor bacon is actually really good
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
