The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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