just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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