It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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