I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
