He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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