My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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