i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
