proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
