Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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