so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize