Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
