So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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