Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
