I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
