i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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