how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
