i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
