I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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