Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
