There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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