Your dad touched me again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
