i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
