Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
