I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
