Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
